Happy Tuesday! :) I'm Alyssa, blogger for Point Infinite. Lauren asked me to be the guest writer for her first Tuesday Takeover and I thought a great thing to share would be the impact moms have - starting with mine.
The title of this blog post is actually incorrect. It should say "What Mom is Teaching Me" because few days go by without me learning something new from this woman.
I am 23 years old. I have been through heartbreak, depression, severe anxiety; I've lost friendships, ended relationships, come home with tattoos, planned my wedding and most recently called off my wedding. Believe me when I tell you, my parents, specifically my mom, have walked through A LOT with me.
While there was much to learn through everything, these are the five things my mom taught me that stuck with me:
1. Choose your words. Because you can never get them back. She taught me that if you take the time to think through what you want to say before you let it fly out of your mouth, you won't need to worry about saying things you don't mean. Being someone whose mouth thinks life is a race it must win, I'm always learning this one.
2. Hurt people, hurt people. Man, the pain it took to learn this one - for her - before she taught it to me. Hurt people inevitably hurt others as they work through (or don't) whatever caused the hurt in the first place. When you learn to see people that have hurt you as hurting people themselves, it helps you approach dealing with it in a healthier way. It doesn't dismiss the pain you feel, but it does allow you to be compassionate in the process.
3. Strength does not equate to being "tough." My mom will be among the first to tell you that she lived life misunderstanding what strength looked like for a while. Because of that, she's been able to teach our family what real strength is - and what it isn't. It isn't stonewalling your emotions while you try to hold yourself and everyone else together. It is acknowledging the fact that you do feel, accepting that you can't hold yourself and everyone else together alone, and allowing God to handle the pieces. Humility is where strength starts.
4. You teach people how to treat you. You're going to be treated how you allow people to treat you. It's that simple. Set the bar where it needs to be, shamelessly. Extend grace, but know what you deserve.
5. People show you who they are; believe them the first time. If only I had listened to this when she first said it... I am someone who wants so badly to see the good in others that I become blinded to the bad. And so relationships lived on much longer than they should have because I didn't want to believe some people were who they had shown themselves to be. She taught me that handling things as they are rather than how they could/should be, or how I want them to be, can help avoid unnecessary hurt down the line.
As I read this back to myself, I see that the theme in much of what my mom has taught me is how to have healthy relationships - with friends, family, significant others, coworkers, etc.. It sounds like such a "mature" thing to teach kids, but at 23 years old, I realize that she started teaching me these things early in life, little by little.
So much about life comes back to relationships. Watching my mom, not just teach me and my family these things, but live them out, has been a gift to me; one I hope to give my kids one day, too.
So thanks Mom! :) And to the moms reading this - know that your kids will remember the "little" lessons you teach them as they grow up. Those "little" lessons add up to be some life changing things they carry into their adult life.
Thanks for reading!